Rambling

Saturday, April 29, 2006

I'm sitting here at my computer, wondering what I would like to write. Yesterday, I had the briefest inspiration to write a piece of autobiographical fiction...about magic and transformation. I have always been entranced, enthralled, mystified and delighted by the elements of the fantastic. That feeling you get...first times when you are a child...and you just feel surrounded by "stuff" that you know is just far greater than you..."stuff" that somehow awes and captivates, that makes you feel like that moment could last forever and that it was imbued with magical overtones. We lose those abilities and those moments as we grow older...more demands from the "real" world, more pressures, responsibilities, things that dampen our intuition, sever our other psychic abilities and give way to cerebration and ratiocination.

But...I find from time to time, that those moments pop up...reading a special book, seeing a special movie, meeting a special person...and...we are 8 years old all over again.

I have found that interest in those moments has been a theme in my life, whether I cognitively knew it or not. I have sought out opportunities to experience those chills that go up and down my spine. Sometimes all it took was a good horror novel, but I have found that any milieu that lends itself to what Eliade called the experience of the sacred was sufficient to send me into reverie...I refrain from using the word "rapture" because of the strong fundamentalist overtones...but...suffice it to say that I DO seek rapture...the mystical union with the Great Spirit.

Perhaps that is what drove me to abandon medicine and pursue philosophy and religion. Perhaps that was my ticket into the world of drugs and psychedelia. And...perhaps that was the raison d'etre for what my life has come to be.

And...to continue...I also believe that this need for wonder, magic and the mystical presaged the self discovery of my being transgender. There has always been something very shaman-like about being transgender. Many native americans call it "two-spirits" and they are a bridge between worlds. ( I would like to write more about this topic later...)

Just as I feel drawn to experiencing the sacred in the midst of the mundane.

So...maybe I WILL go ahead and write that piece of autobiographical fiction and try to continue the pursuit of those paths to self discovery and awakening!!

trickster108